Before you say, 'I do'

 

When my husband and I told our pastor we were engaged and would like him to perform the wedding he happily agreed on one condition: you have complete pre-marriage counseling. We both willing agreed because we believed it would be a great way to start our marriage! The sessions and discussions were wonderful and we both learned alot about what we expected out of the marriage and even how our views on crucial topics differed.

 



 

I liken the purpose of pre-marital counseling to that of the pre-buy home inspection. No one wants to UNKNOWINGLY purchase a home with considerable damage and needing extensive repairs. Your marriage, like a house, has a foundation that all your years to come will be built upon and like a home, without a solid foundation even normal and wear and tear can be more burdensome than in normal conditions. With this being said I would like to share some words of wisdom about marriage that should be considered even before you say 'Yes!' to the proposal.

 

 

1. Don't be unequally yolked. Not only is this a word of wisdom, it's biblical. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" After dating for 6 months I knew I would marry my husband but for his sanity I kept this revelation from him. While I knew this I also knew things were going to have to change in both of us. You see, I had made a lot of mistakes in relationship - that I couldn't take back or undo - but I had not yet been married and I saw this as the one thing I hadn't messed or up - I was determined to this right. I am glad to repor that my husband was the first of us to surrender to the Lord and rededicate his life. I couldn't imagine trying to lead a Godly lifestyle with a non-believer.
2. Every date is a possible mate. There doesn't have to be a proposal in sight to begin evaluating the purpose and goals of a relationship. Even on the first date it is not a bad idea to be on the look-out for how why this person could be a good spouse and lines up with your values and goals for marriage or why you should move on.
3. Make your marriage 'Move-In Ready'. It could also be said that unlike houses, a marriage is not something you want be a 'fixer-upper'. No, you want it to be move-in ready! Please avoid the mistake of believing that marriage will 'fix your spouse' or that marriage will bring your spouse to Christ. Please understand I know MANY spouses that came to the saving grace of Christ through their spouses witness. In fact the bible says in 1 Peter 3:1-2, "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives." However, I am willing to bet that wives who have or are in marriages with an unbelieving spouse would quickly tell you this is not how you WANT to start a marriage.
4. Find a mentor. It never hurts to receive counsel and guidance from a good Christian married couple who can help nuture your growing relationship now and even into the marriage. Specifically for women Titus speaks to the older women teaching the younger women. Titus 2:3-5 says, "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."
5. Consider your reasons for marriage. This may sound like an odd piece of advice but really it's quite logical if you think about it. In the many diets I have attempted (and failed) one question that is encouraged to be pondered often is, 'why are you eating?' The answer, for me, to this question would often be 'I don't know' or 'I guess because I'm bored'. The rationale behind these questions are to get you to stop, think and if needed reconsider your choice. You see, often times people, especially women, seek out what should be intrinisic or found in Christ through a relationship or marriage. When this is the main purpose of a relationship it will never work. Sadly, this episode seems to be on 'repeat' in our society today among women.
6. Complete pre-marital counseling. This is a great tool to have in your tool box before you slip on that ring but you will only get out what you put into the sessions. Be active in your counseling. When my husband and I were completeing our workbook we set aside specific days and time to go through the topics and really discuss them. I imagine (and I'm sure he would agree) this was a lot easier for me than him. Yet, he knew how much we would benefit (and we did) from this time.

I'm not saying your marriage will be perfect or without flaws if you consider these words of wisdom, but starting with a firm foundation is a lot easier than repairing a broken foundation. Please feel free to leave comments below. Perhaps you have some tips you would like to add or something you wish you would have considered before getting married.

In Christ,
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