Protecting your marriage

Your husband is not your glorified boyfriend and you are not his glorified girlfriend. Rather, each of you are helpmates joined together through a holy committment in Christ. It would be my guess that most everyone reading this post would agree; however, marriage in America especially within the Christian community is on a hiatus. Separation and divorce seem to be the fix should problems arise. I knew several ladies that decided to get married because it was the 'next step' in their relationship instead of knowing that this was the one the Lord had ordained for them.

Having several friends who are struggling in their marriage I am aware that the problems are very real and therefore the efforts to restore and save the marriage must be just as major as the struggles facing these couples. I am by no means a marriage counselor but I do know that I have seen the Lord do great things in my life when I am obedient to his word and seek his help and wisdom when I am lost - what better area to apply these same principles than marriage.

The challenges below are not only for those who have found their marriage in a rough place. No, in fact I would say these are perhaps even more crucial for those who find themselves in successful and fulfilling marriages. Why, you ask? The answer is simple in that you must be on your guard at all times and protect your marriage. I once heard marriage likened to that of a child: requiring lots of energy and devotion in the beginning and as it matures becoming more self-sufficent, yet you never for one day stop showing concern and exerting effort to ensure your child is safe and thriving.

• Pray! Pray often for your marriage, husband and yourself. Yes, I said 'yourself' because often when ask for the Lord to do a work in someone else we also become aware of areas that we need transforming. Be ready though because with revelation comes responsibility. When the Lord reveals you to an area that needs transformation within yourself be willing to swallow your pride and work towards those changes.
• Realize LOVE is a choice. Often we define love as a feeling but rather I believe it is a feeling that is created by the choices we make to put our spouse first. When you commit to a marriage you aren't just committing when times are good and rejecting your spouse when times are bad. If there is a member of body that is sick and ailing we do not simply seek out amputation or removal. No, instead we will often spend lots of money and time fighting to keep that member a part of the body. The same should be with our spouse. Just as it is written in Joshua - 'choose who you will serve this day..' choose and purpose in your heart to love your spouse. While this choice may be one that needs to be reaffirmed every day or even every moment as you battle against the struggles. Remember that why we do something ultimately determines what we do.
• Find a mentor. Titus speaks to the importance of older women mentoring younger women as wives and mothers. There is a lot of wisdom to be gleaned from women who have 'been there and one that'. If you have one of these women actively pouring into your life be sure to bless her and remind her how much you are thankful for her wisdom and encouragement.
• Avoid toxic people. Today's media is increasingly portraying and addressing men as idiots and incapable of serving as the leader in their marriage and home. Guard your heart and mind against such schools of thought including people who share these sentiments. Surround yourself with women who honor and respect their husbands.
• Fast. I've always been told 'when you don't know the way, fast and pray!'. I guess my motto is that it can never hurt to remove distractions from our lives so that we can better receive the word and direction of the Lord.

Tomorrow I will be offering encouragement and some words of wisdom to women who are not yet married. In honor of my father, it will be titled 'an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure'. I will be sharing some decisions my husband and I made before we got married and why I'm glad we did!

So I leave you with this question: What things have you done to support the success of your marriage or to revive your marriage? Thanks for participating and remember we were created for this!